How to boost self-esteem in a child from an early age

Self-esteem means a positive or negative attitude towards yourself. According to Coopersmith’s theory, it is heavily shaped by parental and guardian influence. The ability to self-assess develops between the ages of three and six and continues to grow from age 5 until early puberty, after which it declines significantly. As children reach the age of 12, their self-esteem becomes reliant on feedback and comparisons with their peers, concurrent with their cognitive development.

Pay attention

Children tend to have high self-esteem during the first few years of their life. This is often due to their tendency to make unrealistically positive judgments about themselves. Typically, children do not often stand in front of a mirror and declare themselves as unpleasant or overweight. They are not concerned about how we dress or address them.

For instance, we may have been lovingly referring to a girl as a “sunshine” for five years and dressing her in pink dresses. However, one day when she returns from kindergarten, she screams in anger and tears, insisting that we stop calling her that name or dressing her that way. This sudden change may be confusing, as this term has not been a problem for the past five years but has now become a source of conflict and distress. Is it the spoiling of a child? Absolutely not! The girl is entering a phase in which she begins to validate messages about herself and form an image of herself in the eyes of others. She compares herself to her peers, observes how others react to her, and evaluates her own achievements. Like all of us, she is building her self-esteem, and supporting her in this process is important. As parents, our role is to provide her with the necessary support. So, how can we do that?

1. Avoid making comparisons. Comparing oneself to others is a major factor in building self-esteem. If you want to encourage a child to study, refrain from comparing them to other talented students or suggesting that they should act like a friend from kindergarten. The less we model the attitude of comparisons to others, the more focused the child is on themselves and their abilities – which is the basis for building stable self-esteem.
2. We are all unique and constantly evolving. Our abilities may fluctuate, as we may excel at football one day and struggle to win a match the next day. In our daily lives, we will come across various individuals. Some may be more admirable, some less so, and some on par with ourselves. It is crucial for children to gain an understanding and appreciation for diversity through shared experiences and open dialogue. Building knowledge and tolerance in this way is an essential aspect of their development. The result should be self-acceptance, tolerance to the variability of our abilities, mood, appearance and diversity of people around us.
3. When giving feedback on a drawing, it’s better to be specific and constructive rather than just saying, “Nice drawing”. For example, you could point out how the colours were used consistently throughout the piece. Giving your child accurate feedback and opinions can help them identify their unique abilities and skills. Providing specific examples can make it easier for them to comprehend and appreciate their talents. While it may be challenging to convey these messages at times, it is certainly worthwhile to do so!
4. Developing a strong sense of self-esteem is crucial. It involves not only how we talk about ourselves but also how we evaluate the things that are important to us. When it comes to children, it’s important to be careful when criticising the things they identify with, as this can significantly impact their self-assessment. Both positive and negative evaluations can affect their level of self-esteem, so it’s important to approach this with sensitivity.
5. As a parent, you can assist your child daily by encouraging them to finish these sentences:

I excel at…
My strengths are…
When  I am faced with challenging situations, I handle them by…
My hobbies are…