Do we hurt children by praising them?

Opinions on praising children vary — some are strongly in favour of frequently motivating children in this way, while others say to be sparing in praise, as it can result in raising a narcissist. What is it really like? See what an expert from the bilingual kindergarten KIDS&Co. says about it.

This question cannot be answered unequivocally. Because it is a fact that a child needs to be praised in order to strengthen its self-confidence and self-esteem. On the other hand, it is necessary to know how to do it so that our words reach the child, but also do not create the attitude of an egocentric person. As in most cases concerning the upbringing of a young person — this balanced approach is difficult but possible to implement for everyone — comments Anna Osiecka, Regional Director of KIDS&Co.

How to praise without overdoing it

Not only with children, but also with adults, praising can be difficult. We ourselves can feel when praise or compliments are sincere, when they are forced, and when they are uttered automatically. However, we often forget that children also read our emotions and behaviour very well.

We must remember that children understand more than we think. They are often influenced by the mood of their surroundings and feel the emotions of people closest to them. So, if a toddler comes to us with his drawing, and we don’t pay proper attention to our child’s work, and we praise him, the child will feel that our words are not sincere and may think that we are not interested in him — comments Anna Osiecka.

What should we do?

The most important thing for children is time spent together with their parents. We should talk to them about their successes. Ask what the child thinks about the subject, how he or she feels, share his or her joy and tell him or her what we specifically liked. Thanks to that the child will feel that the parent is speaking sincerely. Another important thing is to constantly assure the child of your unconditional love — the child cannot have the feeling that the parent loves him or her only when the child succeeds in something or behaves according to your expectations — advises Anna Osiecka.

It is also worthwhile to observe the child’s reactions — if it constantly demands praise, does not accept the success of others or wants to be the best in every field at all costs, it is a signal to talk to the child. Maybe he or she is convinced that if they don’t succeed, the parents won’t be proud of them.

Education in the kindergarten

The approach of the kindergarten staff is also extremely important. It is at the kindergarten that the child learns a lot about his/her own emotions and relations with peers. In the course of playing with other children, additional activities or conversations with the teacher, the child often experiences new situations which build up his or her personality.

We are well aware of the fact that many good attitudes of the child are strengthened in the kindergarten. Our task is to show the children that not only success is praise worthy. The child should also be praised for the very willingness to take action, so that he or she knows that the input of work is as important as the effect achieved. It is also important to associate praise with satisfaction from one’s own actions, and not with material gratification, advises Anna Osiecka.

It is truly important to remember that, as in most cases, there is no single way to success. The vital thing is to talk to the child often and observe the child’s behaviour carefully. Do not be afraid to talk to the facility’s staff — ask about the child’s reactions, ask to observe if something worries you. Joint activities will certainly be beneficial for the development of the child.