I am joyful, I am angry — the world of preschoolers’ emotions

Joy and anger are definitely the most commonly recognised and expressed emotions by children. Besides these examples, it is always worth reminding about fear and sadness, which also belong to the group of basic emotions. In this article, you will gain basic knowledge about self-awareness, understanding, and managing the emotions of joy, sadness, fear, and anger — those most frequently experienced by young children. Please take a moment to read it!

What is an emotion?

Children’s favourite questions: “What is it? Why? What for ?” It is essential to be prepared for children’s potential confusion when we start talking about emotions, and they may not be able to identify them within themselves. A simple explanation comes to the rescue: Emotions are like a surge of power that appears in response to a specific situation or experience. The intensity of this surge can vary, and it can be either positive or negative, depending on the situation. This mentioned power affects our facial expressions, heart rate, body temperature, our behaviour, and many other things.

Every emotion is good!

It’s important to emphasise that every emotion is good and should be expressed. Suppressing or hiding emotions can lead to sudden outbursts of anger or tears. The metaphor of a balloon aptly illustrates this. The balloon gradually inflates as we experience a particular emotion. If we don’t express our emotions and don’t talk about them with loved ones, the balloon keeps growing until it eventually bursts! To prevent it from bursting, we should gradually release the air from it, for example, by expressing our emotions through words, facial expressions, and behaviour.

Why do we have emotions?

Joy shows us what is pleasant for us, what we can do more often, and what or whom we like. Joy makes us want to do various things and improves our overall well-being. It allows us to recognise circumstances in which we feel safe and good.

Sadness allows us to cope with a loss, such as the loss of a person or an object, like a favourite toy. Through sadness, we understand what is important to us. It also signals to others that we need help.

Anger shows us where our limits of tolerance are and when they have been crossed. Anger is necessary for recognising threats and taking care of our own needs. It also communicates to others that we need some time for ourselves.

Fear warns us of danger. It motivates us to avoid danger or take appropriate precautions. It signals to others that we need support and care.

Anger is like a volcano — how can you recognise an eruption?

Most of us have probably experienced the eruption of anger at least once, that moment when rage appears, a feeling of heat, clenched teeth, fists, and a racing heart. However, the moment of rage doesn’t come out of nowhere. It is preceded by irritation and anger. It’s worth considering how we can recognise that we are starting to get irritated, then angry, and finally enraged. When we learn to identify this state, it becomes easier to prevent the eruption of the anger volcano at the right time.

Hint: A common signal of our reaction deepening towards anger is a faster heartbeat, furrowed eye brows, and a sensation of heat.

Releasing Anger

Anger, like any emotion, is necessary, and there is no need to be ashamed or avoid it, but we can’t allow it to control us. It is essential to learn how to recognise and release it properly. Here are some examples of how to deal with an outburst of anger:

• Hitting a pillow
• Playing loud music
• Asking others to give us some space for a while
• Crying
• Singing loudly
• Jumping around
• Squeezing a stress ball
• Ripping newspapers or sheets of paper
• Drawing with crayons vigorously
• Imagining what we would like to do right now

Wojciech Kołyszko, the author of numerous children’s books about emotions, wrote:

To a young child, we can say: you are angry! Hit the pillow as hard as you are angry! After some time, the pillow helped, hug it, and say thank you!

Tear the newspaper into pieces as quickly and forcefully as you are angry!

Absolutely, we can also try to prevent anger outbursts by:

• Talking to someone about our anger
• Diverting our attention through reading, watching a movie, or playing with a favourite toy
• Thinking about positive events
• Planning, either independently or with someone’s help, how to solve the problem that is causing our anger.

Important! It’s worthwhile to remind children that when they are the victims of someone else’s anger, it’s important to call out for help loudly so that the perpetrator is “in plain sight,” and such behaviours will fade away. It should be made clear that if they suppress and hide it from others, no one will respond appropriately or help them because they won’t know that they need help. It’s also a good idea to prevent any doubts with statements like:

You can tell me anything.

I will never be upset when you come to me with something like this.

When someone harms us, talking about it is not complaining; it’s taking care of yourself.

If you’re afraid of something or something makes you cry, no matter what it is, tell me about it.

Releasing Sadness

It’s important to give ourselves space to experience sadness. This is essential for returning to normal functioning. The goal is not to treat it with a new toy or some form of comfort. Sadness for a child can be a signal that something was important to them. Therefore, we can now talk together about why we are feeling sad, what made that thing or person important to us, and keep that important memory in our minds.

Examples of ways to release emotions

• Doing something nice for yourself.
• Imagining a safe and pleasant place.
• Watching a favourite movie.
• Talking to someone about one’s sadness.
• Asking for help.

Emotions consume a lot of energy!

Let’s remember that strong emotional experiences — whether it’s intense joy, crying, anger, or frustration — are a significant energy expenditure. This can lead to drowsiness and a decrease in energy, which can be replenished with a piece of chocolate, a banana, or a short nap to restore balance in the body!

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Sources

• Kołyszko W. (2004). Pogromca potworów i magia strachu. GWP (wyd. II), Gdańsk
• Kołyszko W. (2005). Smok Lubomił i tajemnice złości. GWP, Gdańsk
• Szalas, Bryńska (2021). Myślę, czuję, działam. Centrum CBT, Warszawa